Politics

Detroit Should Vote Sigmunt Szczepkowski Jr. For Mayor Because Why Not?

July 31, 2013, 3:25 PM

Detroiters vote in their mayoral primary next Tuesday. They should seriously consider voting for Sigmunt John Szczepkowski Jr.

He's a fringe candidate who seems to have done little to market his campaign. One needn’t look far to find TV commercials, campaign signs, brochures, websites, Twitter accounts and assorted promotions from other candidates. The Szczepkowski campaign seems to involve trolling local TV news websites to remind comment section readers that Sigmunt John Szczepkowski Jr. is a candidate.

This, it must be conceded, is a poor strategy for becoming mayor of Detroit.

Szczepkowski, however, has one asset that puts him ahead of his opponents: He has an interesting name. His last name is pronounced shep-KOW-ski, which is simple enough, but the spelling is still likely to cause consternation for local broadcasters if he's elected. That can be amusing for the rest of us.

Yes, this is a trite and superficial reason to support a mayoral candidate. However, considering the six major candidates seeking four years of free rent at the Manoogian Mansion, it's hard to find a better reason to support anyone in this race.

Tom Barrow: After three failed mayoral runs and a failed Congressional campaign, it’s time to give Tom Barrow the Harold Stassen tag and be done with him. He’s had nearly 30 years in the public eye and knocking Mike Duggan off the ballot — but not out of the race — on a legal technicality is Barrow’s most significant political accomplishment. That kind of says it all.

Krystal Crittendon: For all the controversy surrounding Crittendon last year, it’s worth remembering that she had a fairly accomplished record of public service prior to the Corporation Counsel/Charter fracas. Unfortunately, her campaign plays to the political faction that once delivered Sharon McPhail a third-place mayoral finish. Crittendon is the candidate of a dying cohort nostalgic for a time past that really only existed in their imaginations. Anyone in bed with that desperate lot doesn’t deserve your vote.

Mike Duggan: Against my better judgment, I would have loved for Duggan to emerge as the clear favorite. His whiteness has led to comparisons with Tommy Carcetti on "The Wire," but his real potential was (in TV-speak) as Detroit’s version of Cedric Daniels — the consummate political animal who, recognizing the corrosive dysfunction of the status quo, becomes a true reformer.

That didn’t happen. Instead, candidate Duggan resorts to Romney-like pandering on issues like Belle Isle or bankruptcy.

He told WDET’s Craig Fahle this month that bankruptcy could’ve been avoided, if only -- it was strongly implied -- someone like Mike Duggan was mayor. This is magical thinking. Detroit’s real structural problems require more than a better management team running the existing system. The city requires bottom-up reform. Based on his campaign rhetoric, Duggan isn't going to provide that if elected.

For a someone who touts himself as the ultimate “turnaround guy”  and the builder of great teams to fix problems, Duggan and his campaign seriously screwed the pooch on the ballot eligibility issue. No one on Team Duggan ever considered the eventual interpretation of the charter’s residency language? No one thought to wait until April 17 before turning in their paperwork, just to be sure? His legal team, led by former state Supreme Court Justice Conrad Mallet and the NAACP’s Butch Hollowell, looked more like (to use another TV analogy) Arrested Development’s Barry Zuckercorn than the legal arm of a well-oiled political machine.

Team Duggan couldn’t even get their guy’s name on a ballot, but they have the special alchemy to fix Detroit? They just haven’t made that case.

Fred Durhal: A Matty Moroun puppet, Durhal told the Mackinac Policy Conference that he believes Detroit would be better off if residents could get 40-year mortgages. Because paying more interest and accruing less equity is always sound financial reasoning. If Fred Durhal is the answer to the question “how do we fix Detroit,” the city may be better off left broken.

Lisa Howze: A certified public accountant, Lisa Howze is well-qualified to do your taxes. Running a city requires more than a standard professional certification. It’s hard to know if Howze understands that. When she’s not constantly reminding people that she’s a CPA, Howze’s ideas are pedestrian.

During an infomercial program on the rarely watched WHPR-TV, Howze said she wants to turn City Airport — Coleman Young International Airport, she calls it with the reverence of a priest speaking about St. Peter’s in Rome — into a transportation and logistics hub. That sounds nice, until you realize the time and effort invested to nurture such an effort at the bigger and more modern Metro Airport remains an ongoing process. These things are easier said than done.

If we could attract “just 1%” of the transportation and logistics economy to Detroit’s eastside, Howze said. Yes, well, if I could acquire just 1% of Warren Buffett’s fortune, I would be absurdly wealthy. Neither 1% fantasy is coming true. Kudos for trying the simple solutions to complex problems strategy, or something.

Benny Napoleon: The Wayne County sheriff is seemingly running for mayor to be Detroit’s top cop. He basically had that job once before, as the city’s police chief. It ended with the DPD under federal oversight and a deaf guy with a rake shot dead by Detroit officers. This time, as mayor instead of police chief, and with one cop specially assigned to each square mile of Detroit, things will be different. Sure.

Napoleon's tenure as Wayne County Sheriff is hardly a a ringing endorsement of his leadership acumen, based on that agency's budget problems and role in the county jail debacle. Even if we accept the claim that Napoleon wasn't involved with the jail, it must be asked why not. His department was to manage it, but he had no role in its design and construction? The Sgt. Shultz defense is almost as damning any accusation of culpability.

But the final nail is Napoleon’s coffin comes from recently released campaign finance reports. Much has been made (and much should be made) about Roger Penske’s $500,000 donation to Mike Duggan’s Super PAC. From Coleman Young, the later years, to Kwame and Monica to Bing, Detroit’s respectable business community sure knows how to pick them.

More troubling, however, are contributions to Napoleon from Boulevard and Trumbull Towing.

The firm and its owner Gasper Fiore have controversial ties with city government. This much is clear to anyone who has ever watched investigative reporter Scott Lewis’ many stories about their cozy relationships with city officials. All city towing contractors profit from parking policies that make scofflaws out of residents and visitors. It’s true that many cities have aggressive parking enforcement policies, especially in downtown areas. The difference is those cities offer viable public transportation that makes driving downtown a luxury rather than a necessity.

Detroit cannot continue the madness of suburban transportation policy and urban parking enforcement. If we expect either side of the transportation/parking equation to become more citizen-friendly, Detroit needs leaders who aren’t beholden to towing contractors. Benny Napoleon is not that.

So, skip the main contenders next Tuesday and vote Sigmunt John Szczepkowski Jr. He won’t win, but he can function as a de facto None Of The Above option on the ballot.

Detroiters have become increasingly fond of quoting the city motto: Speramus Meliora; Resurget Cineribus. Perhaps out of the ashes of this embarrassingly weak primary field, one finalist will use the general election race to rise above political mediocrity and somehow earn your vote before November.

To date, that hasn’t happened.


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