Renaissance

Packard Strangers: The 1980s Sitcom The Packard Plant Deserves

November 27, 2013, 1:15 PM

Now that Peruvian investor Fernando Palazuelo owns the Packard Plant, he plans to live there as he rebuilds the rotting industrial campus into an auto supply facility/go-kart track/offices/residential units/art space/unicorn farm. The Packard Plant already has a tenant, a man named Allan Hill.

This has all the makings for a 1980s-style sitcom about incompatible roommates working through their differences with zany hijinks. Jill Jack’s song from the ill-fated “I’m A Believer” campaign can be repurposed as the theme.

Palazuelo is a go-getter South American real estate mogul who likes order. Hill is the laid-back squatter who doesn’t mind a little clutter in his life. How ever will they co-exist? Can they work together to save this once-great industrial wonderland and maybe become friends?

Let’s find out with a season one treatment.

PILOT EPISODE: Longtime Packard Plant resident Allan Hill meets his new neighbor/landlord Fernando Palazuelo. The two men instantly realize they don’t get along. In an effort to keep peace, Hill and Palazuelo agree to draw a big yellow line down the middle of the Packard Plant. Each man will stay on his side of the line. Of course, this also causes problems. Hill likes to feed the raccoon that lives on Palazuelo’s side and Palazuelo needs to show the old tool-and-die shop on Hill’s side to potential investors. Eventually, both men realize they have to compromise to coexist with each other. Peace is restored.

EPISODE TWO: It’s poker night and Palazuelo becomes fast friends with Jimmy, Hill’s high school buddy.  However, Hill quickly learns that Jimmy is just taking advantage of the wealthier man’s friendship and generosity. At first, it’s little things like bumming a few bucks or a dinner. No big deal. But when Hill learns that Jimmy has lured Palazuelo into investing into a phony business scheme, he must choose between his new neighbor and an old friend who is still on the hustle.

EPISODE THREE: Hill is smitten with a Polish woman photographing the plant. At Palazuelo’s suggestion, he asks her out. It’s been a while since he’s had a date, so he takes his neighbor’s bad advice about playing hard to get or something like that. Although he’s having a good time, Hill acts like he’s not. His girl is offended and leaves crying. Hill is sad. Palazuelo tracks down the woman, admits the bad date was his fault. She gives Hill another chance. Second date goes well. They kiss. Live studio audience hoots and hollers.

EPISODE FOUR: Palazuelo’s favorite nephew, Little Carlos, arrives in town to help work on the plant. Running gag: Little Carlos hates to be called Little Carlos, but everyone does it anyway. Hill thinks Little Carlos isn’t the bright-eyed good kid his uncle believes. He discovers Little Carlos has a drug habit. Palazuelo doesn’t want to believe it, until he stumbles into a drug deal about to go bad. He rescues his nephew, who then admits he has a problem. They hug. Episode ends with Little Carlos going to rehab. He is never mentioned again.

EPISODE FIVE: Palazuelo hires a crew to cleanup the Packard Plant. The place is a mess! At first Hill is happy to see the place get a good scrubbing. It’s about time, he tells his landlord. But his optimism quickly disappears as he has trouble finding things in the cleaned-and-organized plant. The order he crafted out the chaos is gone and he’s angry. Angry that the world his changing too fast for his liking. He takes it out on Palazuelo, without telling him the problem. At one point he threatens to move out. Palazuelo finally figures out what’s wrong and apologizes for not considering Hill’s feelings. Hill agrees not to move.

EPISODE SIX: Faced with low ratings, network executives force the addition of new cast members. Dave (played by Ted McGinley) and his precocious daughter Chloe move into the house across the street from the Packard Plant. Let’s just assume such a house exists. Dave is a semi-sleazy salesman who is always looking to “score” with “babes,” but also really loves his daughter. At first, Palazuelo and Hill don’t care for their new neighbors. Dave is always selling something or bragging about his late score. Chloe seems like a sweet enough kid, but they think an abandoned auto plant is no place for a ten-year-old girl. Then they realize that Chloe is lonely. They’ve moved around a lot since her mother died and she really likes her new neighbors. Everyone agrees to be friends.

EPISODE SEVEN: Hill’s doctor says he has high blood pressure and needs to watch his diet. Palazuelo and Chloe force him to eat healthy, but Hill just wants some potato chips and beer. You know what’s worse than watching the Lions lose, he asks? Watching the Lions lose while eating celery and water. Local humor! Dave sympathizes. All that health junk is just another racket, he says. The two sneak away for wings, but their good time is cut short when Hill thinks he’s having a heart attack. Turns out it was just angina, but the hospital visit scares him straight.

EPISODE EIGHT: It’s Christmas at the Packard Plant. Dave tells Palazuelo and Hill that his Christmas bonus will allow him to give Chloe the Christmas she deserves. On his way to buy her presents, he meets a sexy blonde. He tries to impress her by playing high-stakes pool. Unfortunately, it’s all a con. His opponent is the blonde’s boyfriend. Dave gets hustled out of his bonus money. He can’t afford to give his daughter a Christmas and has to tell her Santa isn’t real, etc. Chloe is sad. Palazuelo and Hill devise a plan to save Christmas. They out-hustle the pool hustler and get Dave’s money back. Then they surprise their neighbors with a big Christmas tree and presents and a ham. Only there’s one gift under the tree that none of them bought. Was it really Santa? This sitcom pap practically writes itself.

EPISODE NINE: Big news! A major conglomerate wants to rent space in the Packard Plant. Palazuelo’s dream of reviving the plant and getting rich are coming true. Everyone is excited. Until Palazuelo learns the conglomerate will evict Hill. At first, Palazuelo thinks it’ll be ok so long as he finds his neighbor a new place to live. Then Chloe finds out about it and makes Palazuelo feel guilty. The entire gang learns an important lesson about gentrification and, even though it means losing a multi-million dollar deal, Palazuelo tells the conglomerate to take a hike. Audience applauds. 

EPISODE TEN: A hard-assed building inspector orders the entire Packard Plant demolished. It would mean Palazuelo and Hill would be homeless! The building inspector doesn’t care about anything but the rules and the rules say the property is dangerous. The entire gang rallies to save the plant. This includes Hill’s Polish girlfriend who reappears as a regular character without explanation. Her name is now Ania. When things look their darkest, Hill makes an emotional appeal to the curmudgeonly judge hearing the case: I used to be a loner, he says, but now thanks to the Packard Plant, I have all these people in my life. And isn’t that what makes a home? Not the bricks or windows or roofs, but people? The curmudgeonly judge agrees to void the demolition order, provided the gang makes repairs and makes them quickly, setting the stage for season two hilarity.

Photo illustration by Lauren Ann Davies.


Read more: 


Leave a Comment:

Photo Of The Day