Titillation: Free Press Predicts a 'Cleavage Explosion' Is On The Way, Even At Work

Above: Lupita Nyong'o, Sofia Vergara and Amy Adam grace freep.com.

The story is headlined, mysteriously, "Cleavage rules! Enduring allure of women's figures gives them some measure of control over their lives." But the article's message is clear: Breasts are in.

So writes shopping writer Georgea Kovanis in the Free Press. She has detected more cleavage than usual in the Hollywood awards season, and figures it is only a matter of time before breasts begin showing up, well, just about everywhere. 

She writes:

While it’s true that awards season is always cleavage season, this year’s display is especially notable for its sheer volume and quantity. Boosted by increasingly sophisticated bra contraptions and highlighted by fashion’s latest retro darling, the 1970s-style plunging neckline, it has brought a whole new meaning to the awards that are the Golden Globes.

I’m pointing out all this cleavage because red carpet trends tend to find their way into the mainstream, interpreted by Target, Macy’s, Forever 21 and other stores with mass appeal. "We’re going to be seeing even more cleavage, coping with a cleavage explosion at work, at social events, even in front of our own mirrors."

Whether this is good or bad, alluring or appalling, depends on your perspective. What is not debatable is this: Cleavage is a powerful, powerful thing.

Check out the paper's "Dos and Don'ts of Cleavage:" 

■ DON’T overdo it if your are meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time, or really, any time.
■ DO make sure you are wearing the correct bra; your breasts shouldn’t be pressed so high they look like they’re choking you...

And the List of VIPs in "Good Cleavage" and "Bad Cleavage:"

Good: Oprah Winfrey at the Critics’ Choice Awards. Classic.

Bad: Lena Dunham at the Golden Globe Awards. The sides of the top of her dress look too small, creating unattractive underarm cleavage.  

Read more:  Detroit Free Press

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