Everyone from Mrs. Obama to the women on the pole wants you to vote

November 01, 2020, 12:25 AM

A highly consequential election will finally, finally be here on Tuesday. Perhaps you've heard? 

And everyone, from your social networks to the TV networks you watch to every famous face on the planet, wants in on the public-service action. Have you registered? Do you need to register? Do you have a voting plan? What are the procedures for your state? These are the questions asked by half the pop-up windows on the internet. 

We glean a sampling of get-out-the-vote videos we've seen so far. One involves strippers. We hope you'll enjoy it.

The first thing we have to note is this: These videos are almost all embarrassingly earnest or embarrassingly lame, or just embarrassing. There's something so eat-your-spinach about urging someone to vote that you almost want to stare at your shoes and cringe when, for instance, "Hamilton" creator Lin-Manuel Miranda pretends to call up NBA point guard Chris Paul, who pretends to call up pop star Janelle Monae, who pretends to be registering voters in some fabulous outfit that includes a bellhop's cap, and ... you get the idea. 

On the other hand, these videos must work on someone other than our cynical selves. So let's get started with When We All Vote, starring all of the above, plus Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw and a bunch of iPads:

Next up, same format: A lot of talking heads saying why they vote, and why you should, too. But this is all women, mostly women of color, talking about a right that their gender only received in, ahem, 1920. So it's less cringeworthy, and it's from the YWCA:

Here's a bunch of LGBTQ people, one with startling cheekbones we'd bet a dollar were installed by a plastic surgeon, telling that community to do the V-thing:

Stephen Colbert knows how to do these things right, and does so here with his guide to voting in Michigan. He, or his writing staff, came up with 50 jokes for 50 states -- 51 if you throw in the District of Columbia. Ours involves wolverines:

Remember when Rock the Vote launched? Madonna wrapped in an American flag, teasing that "if you don't vote, you're gonna get a spanky." A different era, 1990. Now it's 30 years later, it's Real People, and horror of horrors, does no one know that it's better to shoot video in landscape rather than portrait mode? Oh, well, here's two minutes of Rock the Vote interns on why they do it: 

This is two years old, but still funny. Why vote? Because celebrities tell you to, silly:

Finally, the best of all: The strippers! This is mildly NSFW, but since we all work at home now, whatever. Lots of booties in this one -- the theme is Get Your Booty to the Poll -- but the message is sound: Don't just vote for president, vote for every office you get a choice in. Plus, we love the girl who coos, "Can't make it rain if you locked up on some bullshit," as well as pretty much all of them:

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