American treasure/Martian immigrant Ihor Stetkewycz will spend a year in jail but first must spend a month in a mental health facility. The sentence nothing to do with the piles of wood he dumped on a Detroit street, but rather an unrelated indecent exposure charge.
Ihor is so awesome that no mere pair of pants can contain him. Especially when his mother buys him trousers that are, according to our man Ihor, ten sizes too big. What do you want society? Ihor is too busy helping "old guys, disabled guys, black guys, white guys, Polish guys, Ukrainian guys and guys from Mars also" remove tree stumps to put on a belt or exchange the unwieldily pant his mommy bought him.
So now Ihor, like so many great men throughout the ages, will be incarcerated because society doesn't understand his genius. But Ihor will never really leave us, he'll be all around. Wherever there's a pile of debris in the middle of street, he'll be there. Wherever there's a rube in wraparound sunglasses, he'll be there. Wherever there's a woman that needs to shut up, he'll be there. -- JTW
